Preventive Maintenance For Relationships
Relationships have come a long way since our grandparents. Back in the day couples fell in love and stayed together even if they stopped liking one another. "Til Death do us part". Finances play a big part of relationships in today's society. People are more concerned with what the partner is bringing to the table financially. Do they have good credit? Do they have insurance? While these are things important for one to maintain to reduce stress and strain within a relationship, the foundation should be still built on love. Another trend with new couples versus old couples is that older couples would have met at high school or college with little to no experience with dating anyone else. Now, couples are joining from former marriages, or kids from earlier relationships. For the most part couples have more dating experience prior to their current situations. Social media and other technology allow for more options and choices then couples of the past had access to. Age, sex, race, gender, kids, family socializing, economic status, mental health, unfaithfulness are some of the key elements in most couples disagreements, arguments, and breakups.
Social media makes it extremely hard on today's relationships because you are able to have conversations with thousands of other people who may interest you or you may find attractive.
So when a relationship seems to be going for the worse and partners cannot agree on the key elements couples are quick to move on to other available options instead of making the current relationship work. In the old days there were not as many options fully accessible. This is not to blame social media for anyone's behavior, however both parties need to be aware that it is reality that social media will play a part in the relationship if not addressed or acknowledged early on in the relationship and revisited form time to time throughout the lifetime of the bond. Yes, one should have TRUST for the other in a relationship. But let's not become naive and or complacent. Attraction is a natural occurrence and even though you may be in your partners heart, someone else could be gaining their attention which reduces the luster in a loving relationship. Do not smother, snoop, or make accusations.....Just be aware and communicate.
Finances is a big one, especially if you are living in a capitalistic environment. In these days both members need to have some sort of income. One partner will gladly bring home the bacon, however if that bacon does not cover the couples lifestyle it can cause stress on the union. I can write an entire encyclopedia volume discussing the many various ways finances can destroy a relationship. Instead we will move straight to some solutions. Let the partner with stronger financial skills b e in charge of balancing the books. If trust is an issue, which it should not be (Trust is a separate topic) the couple can get a 3rd party involved such as a bank representative to work on balancing income, credit, investing, taxes, insurance...etc that the couple can meet with regularly. Most take it for granted but just like in any financial arrangement , one needs to track how much money is coming in and how much money needs to be spent on a monthly basis.
Some level of mental illness is in each and everyone of us, so discussing each others oddities and LISTENING to the partners feedback on behavior (outside looking in) should be an ongoing conversation. Laugh about it, Learn about it, Live with it, Love with it. This creates a strong bond between you and your partner. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do". Show your partner his or her bad habits in a loving manner so improvements can be made. Couples should be constantly improving on each other. It may never be perfect, but close enough to prevent separation. This solution also applies to sexual activity.
Race, Gender, sex, age will play a part. Communication, communication, communication. This ugly conversation needs to happened in the early stages of the relationship before things get too involved. No matter how much the couple is in love, both need to be realistic that society as a whole is not on the same love level. I know, most people say who cares what they think. True, but the conversation needs to be had to ensure both parties are on the same page and if kids are involved, how to collaboratively deal with issues before they happen or escalate.
Dealing with the other's family members. Many will say you are marrying that person not their family. While this is true, that person is usually emotionally attached to that family. Making a person decide in these situations can make them emotionally distraught or regretful in later years especially in times of death. This not only needs to be talked about, there needs to be a mutual contract on how to move forward that satisfies both parties without stress. If you care about your partner, then you need to apply some care to those who surround them (If you want a healthy long loving relationship that is).
Unfaithfulness..........Well to each is own. There are several reasons why people are unfaithful. Usually it is because the glimmer of the diamond is not that bright any more or you find out it was just a piece of glass. So maybe you hang around because kids are involved or you want to uphold your wedding vows, or you would not know how to start over, or afraid of what close love ones would think. This is a moral choice.....To continue or not to continue. I'm no guru in this entire topic, just an intellectual sharing experiences and tips that may benefit your current or future situation. If you choose to stay, you can learn to love glass. Or you can shine up that diamond. If you choose not to stay learn from it, grow, and whatever you do ....do not go in to the next relationship with PTSD expecting to do the same. If you are the one being unfaithful and your partner is unaware, come clean, don't string them along. Time is valuable and you are wasting theirs. Never be afraid to be honest.
In summary just some tidbits I picked up a long the way that may improve your current relationship or someone else in your circle that is going through something similar and needs advice or just confirmation....a shoulder to lean on. Life can get complicated. Simplify. Balance. #YellowVision
